Some Funny Old Rugby T Ideas

I was digging through some old messages from a Yahoo! Group my rugby club used to use for communication, and I’m finding some pretty hilarious posts.  You don’t have to know anything about rugby for these to be funny, although the guys in the club may appreciate them a little more.

For instance, in 2001 we were trying to decide on a catch phrase for some t-shirts we were having printed.  There were several options.  Some were clever, and some were…not.  Here’s a sampling:

Bigger. Stronger. Faster.
Mostly Bigger.

Scrumming is one of the many services we provide.

It takes 15 men playing as one for 80 minutes to win a rugby match ……..hey can we borrow some backs?

What else is there to do in Knoxville?

Really
Ugly
Guys
Banging
Your sister

Rugby Players come with breakfast.

If it’s out there, we’ll catch it.

So what did we end up putting on the t-shirts?  It is actually pretty brilliant.  On grey shirts in large red lettering…

Knoxville Rugby

In The Nashville Know

MCB is linking up to Jared’s post on things you should know about living in Nashville.  I’m not from Nashville proper, but from “out in the county”.  I have a few that need to be added to help the newcomer get by.  Nashville folks, please don’t take these personally…it’s all in good fun.

1.  Never, under any circumstances, pronounce the word “Demonbreun” without using three m’s.  The correct Nashville pronunciation is “Duh- muhm-bree-uhm”.

2.  Don’t freak out and ask for an autograph when you see a someone famous.  Nashville etiquette says that you ignore the celebrity.  There is a very good reason for this.   You need to be able to brag to your friends later that you saw a celebrity and didn’t care.  Don’t make a big deal out of seeing someone famous.  Make a big deal out of the fact that you didn’t make a big deal of it.

3.  It’s not a “garden hose”.  It’s a “hosepipe”–having the properties of both a hose and a pipe.

4.  When you see a funeral procession, pull over.  Don’t just slow down.  Stop.  Yes, this stands true for most of the South, but Nashville is a gateway city–the first stop for many transplants to the South.

5.  The 24/7 Horn Honking Festival that takes place at the Capital every few years is not actually sanctioned by the Chamber of Commerce.  That’s just a few concerned citizens who feel they shouldn’t have to pay a fee for the right to earn a living in our great state.

I hope these help.  Once you’ve mastered Nashville, you can move on to a bigger challenge, like Knoxville.  On second thought, just stay put–we like our peace and quiet around here.  It makes it easier for us to here the whispers of our County Commissioners plotting and scheming in the shadows.

Red Light Cameras — The Real Enemy

From the KNS

Knoxville police arrested a man Sunday morning for allegedly shooting a traffic light camera several times at the intersection of Broadway and Interstate 640.

Surely I’m not the only one snickering at this.  How can the police find the guy who allegedly shot a traffic light camera three times at 2 a.m. in Knoxville Tennessee, but still don’t know who shot Tupac on the Las Vegas strip in front of countless witnesses?  There really is no justice in the world.

Before any of the anti-gun nuts start asking for bans on .30-06 rifles, let’s remember…

Guns don’t take photos of your car and send you expensive traffic tickets in the mail…RED LIGHT CAMERAS DO.

Write It Down You Selfish Jerk!

After I posted my grandfather’s Thanksgiving thoughts last night, I spent the next few hours re-reading some other things that he wrote. I will definitely be posting more of it in the future. He was a great storyteller, and there are plenty of good stories in his memoirs.

TCH brought up something in the comments of that post that I think was pretty significant. We’ve all but lost the art of good, personal writing–letter writing was what he called it. I’m making a call right now with my small little voice that we do what we can to remedy this. If your parents and/or grandparents are still living, encourage them to chronicle the big events in their lives at a minimum, or to write an entire life story. You’ll be surprised how much entertainment and wisdom you can gain from their experiences, and you’ll probably make their day by just showing interest in their lives.

In the same vein, it’s worthwhile for all us to do the same. Blog software makes that easier than ever before (you don’t have to make the blog publicly available) but a pen and pad work just as well. I actually have everything my grandfather wrote scanned and converted to .pdfs, and it is cool to see it in his handwriting.

Some of the best stuff my grandfather wrote was about what it was like growing up in the 1920s and 1930s. It is really interesting to me because he grew up about 10 miles from where I did; yet his experiences were so different from mine. It is strange to imagine, but the way we grew up would be very foreign to the way kids are growing up today. Your personal description of the Atari 2600 or riding a bike with no helmet may actually interest someone somewhere down the line.

When I think of all the funny stories I have accumulated over the years, it is sad to think that they will all die with me. Maybe I’ll record them all, at least cleaned up versions of them, and no one will care. But maybe someone will. I should at least give them the opportunity to decide if any of it is worth the bother.

Free Kittens (To a Good Home)

Okay, I already have feedback on my last post about the beggars outside of the supermarket. Some guys I work with read my blog (I write, they read, where’s the “work”?), and one of them brought up another case outside of grocery stores–free kittens.

The “free kittens” sign almost always includes the small print phrase “to a good home.”

What kind of home is good? Is it the kind where you don’t get your cat spayed, allow it to reproduce, then stand out in front of a store and give away the feline offspring to total strangers? Or, as my friend put it, “why do they care? By making the kittens free, they have determined that they have no value on the open market.”

Offending Every Garden Tool

 Australian Santas can’t say “ho ho ho” anymore.

Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha” instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

This is more than a free speech issue.  It’s borderline thought police.  It someone may think that the word “ho” means “whore”, it can’t be said.  It reminds me of a few years ago when David Howard used the word “niggardly” and subsequently caused an uproar because some fool(s) didn’t know what it actually meant.

Luckily, we’re safe here in the USA.  Christmas may only come once a year, but we celebrate ho’s year-round.

HO

HO

 HO

Via Michael Silence

Ask Not What Google Can Do For You

I’d wager that most of this blog’s regular readers fall into two main categories. The first group is those who know me IRL and like to see me make an ass of myself. Lately that has been happening online with a keyboard much more frequently than late at night with a debit card. Probably not as funny, but they have the convenience of seeing it whenever they want. It’s a trade off.

The other group is made up of other people who are part of the blogosphere and, like the first group, like to see me make an ass of myself. I see a pattern developing here. Based on what I’ve seen and read on their sites, a large majority of these people are in it solely for the fame and glory of blogging. They can actually write, and they aren’t as concerned with the piles of nickels and pennies that can be piled up slowly by spending countless hours working on their layout, optimizing for search engines, reading message boards about search engines, and on and on.

So for those people who aren’t keeping up with the technical end so much, I’ll give you the quick and dirty version of what’s been happening with Google over the last few months. Whether you actually care or not, this is going to affect you eventually.

* A site’s Google’s PageRank (site relevancy) is influenced by links from other sites
* Naturally, this created a market for links, and people bought links from other sites to boost the PageRank of their site
* Google didn’t like this and is now penalizing link sellers who did not report paid links.
* Some people will stop selling links. Some people will sell links and not get caught. Other people who have never sold links will be wrongly penalized.
* All of these people could become angry.

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again–creating good, original content is your best strategy in the long run. You can game the system for a little while, but remember that the search engine belongs to them–they make the rules of the game.

For those who don’t like Google’s latest tactics, your choices are pretty simple. You can play Google’s game by their rules, you can play Google’s game by your own rules, or you can support a different search engine whose rules you like better. My official stance is that of Switzerland. Although unofficially….

My guess is that we are about to see several new web ranking systems that do not belong to Google. They’ve basically rendered PageRank useless. Don’t be shocked if some big players in the game jump ship from Google and start using their influence with their users to thwart Google’s current dominance.

Not Even Local News

SVD has a pretty funny post over at KtownLowDown about “Local News“. Well what do I find featured in the KNS the very next day? A real scoop: Kenny Chesney Still Loves The Vols.

Look, I get it that offbeat stories are interesting. When somebody does something really stupid or odd, it’s going to attract interest. I even understand covering stories about scandalous nude photos or crazy sexual escapades. If nothing else, there’s some web traffic to be gained.

What I don’t understand is a front page (at least on their web site) story about which college football team has earned the allegiance of a singer.

Can anyone who would actually care one way or the other even read?

This isn’t even local news.

Nashville Increasing Licensing Fees For Strippers

From The Tennessean:

Even though the board has discussed increasing the dancing permit and club licensing fees to $500, it probably won’t be able to charge that much.

Metro attorney Doug Sloan said the board is prohibited from charging more money than it needs to regulate the industry, and the board is waiting for a tally on those actual costs

If they factor in the cost of enforcement of the tax they should be able to justify it. Just like the cross-border cigarette enforcement, Metro Nashville will no doubt have to send revenue officials into strip clubs in all neighboring counties to make sure that the dancers are not actually Davidson county residents.

Fudge Round or Star Crunch?

Little Debbie Snack CakesLast week’s poll was a real nailbiter. We had a three way tie, but I think the Ron Paul supporters were stuffing the ballot box. Or maybe they’re the only ones who care enough to vote?

I asked my readers to choose between a bowl of Crispix, a peanut butter banana sandwich, Vienna sausages with crackers, or any single Little Debbie snack cake for their last meal.

Vienna sausage was the big loser, but only by one vote. I guess I’m not too surprised that it was so close. First of all, the voting was completely anonymous, so there was no risk of being singled out as someone who is actually willing to put Vienna sausages in your mouth. Another possible reason that the sausages got any votes at all is based on the same rationale that prompted me to choose the Little Debbies…

This is my last meal! Trans fat and phosphates be damned! I’m going out with a bang!

Don’t get me wrong–I’m a huge fan of both cereal and peanut butter and ______ sandwiches, but for $.35, it’s tough to beat a Fudge Round.