Gift Ideas for Heads of State

Over on my “short post” blog today I linked a story about the gift President Obama gave to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown–25 of the awesomest DVDs this country has to offer. I mean, how cool is that? I wanted that for Christmas, but I don’t have any friends or relatives that can pull those kinds of strings.

It would have been cool if Mr. Obama could have swung a Wii Fit, but those are tough to find.

Ok, seriously? DVDs? I think, as a general rule, you should stray away from giving heads of state gifts that you can get on Amazon or in the White House Gift Shop, although the James Bond Blu-ray set or a Kindle 2 would be cool. But I’ve received better gifts than DVDs in the past year, and I couldn’t get elected to the board of my HOA.

So, of course, I have some ideas for future gifts that are better than DVDs if the President ever decides to actually give something thoughtful or significant. These are all things I think the President could actually pull off:

  1. An external hard drive with all the music he downloaded back in the Napster days
  2. Offer to help him move, and actually follow through
  3. Tickets to an Oprah taping (transportation to Chicago not included)–bonus if you can swing a lifetime membership to the Oprah Book Club
  4. Let him “ride bitch” on one of the motorcycles in the Presidential motorcade
  5. Offer to let him crash on the couch for the weekend
  6. Autographed photo of the cast of Facts of Life
  7. A couple of four day passes to Disney
  8. Cubs tickets
  9. Hook it up for him to ring the opening bell at the NYSE (on a non-trading day)
  10. Teach him how to work the teleprompter

Change The Duke Boys Can Believe In

Change.

It’s a simple word. But it means different things to different people. To me, “change” sort of implies something is different.

Change” is powerful. It can alter the course of history. It could even turn a television show on its ear if given the chance.

Did you ever watch the Dukes of Hazzard? What a great show, huh? I remember one of the big discussions at school back in the day was over who was a better driver–Bo Duke or Luke Duke? If you remember, Bo drove most of the time. Every now and then Luke drove, but it was mostly Bo.

I was a big Luke Duke fan back in the day. I loved it when he drove. But was that really change?

They were still in the General Lee. It was still orange with an “01” on the side and a Confederate flag on the hood. Roscoe was still chasing them around Hazzard County. Daisy still wore short shorts. The General still couldn’t be damaged no matter how high they jumped.

Most importantly, Boss Hogg was still trying to swindle the good people of Hazzard and put the fruits of their labor into his own pocket, and the people of Hazzard kept on electing him.

You know, basically the same damn episode they showed the week before.

Change would have been Enos and Cletus patrolling the streets on Segways.

Change would have been Uncle Jessie cooking meth in the barn instead of making moonshine.

Change would have been Cooter getting elected to Congress.

Change would have been Bret Michaels singing some crappy theme song instead of the great Mr. Waylon Jennings singing a bad ass one.

Change would have been the Boar’s Nest becoming an after-hours dance club.

Change would have been something, you know…DIFFERENT.

But from where I’m sitting, it looks like Boss Hogg and his cronies still have their hands in the cookie jar.  So why do the good people of Hazzard keep electing them?

YEE-HAW!

McHillary For President!

This is funny.  There’s nothing more entertaining than some pissed off Hillary supporters.  Check out the photo of the woman wearing the Hillary t-shirt and McCain button.

“I’d like to see a McCain-Hillary ticket to tell you the truth. And there’s nothing that would please my soul more than to see Obama lose. He’s talking about eight years when he hasn’t got the four years. When people start nominating Hillary on the floor this week, he may fall off the stage when he sees superdelegates switching to Hillary.”

Party People in the House

John Norris Brown on Democratic Party candidate selection:

A few months ago, I would have predicted the superdelegates to go with the most electable candidate, then unquestionably Barack Obama. Given whats happened since then, I don’t know if he can still play that card.

I’ll go ahead and make another bold prediction…

The Republicans will win the Presidency again, not because of the strength of their candidate, but because of the weakness of the Democratic candidate.  That will make three in a row for, largely for the same exact reason.  The real question is this–how clueless are the Democrats that they continue to let this happen?  Is the whole party that out of touch?

The Republicans haven’t been forced to win an election for the last three cycles.  All they have to do is not get beaten.  It’s just like the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.  In order to lose, he has to be pinned for the 1-2-3.  He can’t lose by disqualification or count out.

For a long time I’ve longed for a viable third party, even if it’s one that is completely in opposition to my personal beliefs and political philosophy.  At this point, I’d settle for one viable party.

Twitter Was Made For Watching Debates

The only thing better than sitting on the couch and making smart ass comments while watching the debates is sitting on the couch making smart ass comments while watching the debates and watching everyone else make smart ass comments.  Some of my favorite Tweets from the debates are below along with links to the blogs of the folks who penned them.  Please show them your support by visiting their sites and buying an airplane…or something.

Final Question: Boxers or briefs? (directed at Hillary)–GingerSnaps

She is a bitch. And she is AWESOME!–Newscoma

Obama gets this nightmare back on track. I kept waiting for Dick Clark and Ed McMahon to pop out with an animated janitor —vagredajr

Why did Hill bring up healthcare? Didn’t she *try* that already?–eeUS

And finally, in what was probably the most insightful, honest, and intelligent comment in all of Twitterdom world during the entire debate:

@sadcox your funny you’re really into this huh? —MatthewsChick

Now on to The Ultimate Fighter…

Dream Ticket? Whose Dream Is This?

When MLK said that he had a dream that little black boys and little white girls would one day hold hands run on a presidential ticket together, is this what he had in mind? If so, we should stop referring to him as a civil rights leader and change his title to Republican strategist. Hillary Clinton thinks she and Barack Obama may be able to join their forces to fight sit-down-and-talk-with evil later this year.

“That may be where this is headed,” she told the CBS Early Show during a marathon set of appearances on the network morning news shows. “But of course we have to decide who is on the top of ticket. I think the people of Ohio very clearly said that it should be me.”

Hillary Clinton as the Democratic nominee for President isn’t a dream for anyone except for maybe John McCain and those “near and dear friends” of his in Washington. The funny thing is that making Obama her running mate is really the only chance she would have of winning, but if Obama gets the nomination he’d be cutting his own throat by naming her as his running mate.

Stupor Tuesday

What a stinker.

Lot’s of folks around the office are talking about the primaries today.  It’s strange to me that so many people don’t pay attention until the day of.

Anyway, here’s a quick roundup of what some of the blogs I frequent are saying this morning…

Music City Bloggers is taking a poll.  It reminds me of my favorite episode of “Married With Children”. 

  • Kelly Bundy enters room–“What are you guys doing?”
  • Bud Bundy–“We’re taking a poll.”
  • Kelly–“What are you going to do with a poll?”
  • Bud–“We’re going to stick it in your head so we’ll have a place to hang the sign that says, ‘duh.'”
  • Kelly to Al–“So unfair.  You won’t let me get my nose pierced but you’re going to put a poll in my head?!”

I feel like I’m about to get a poll stuck in my head–more like a javelin.

I’m sure the folks at TennesseeFree are going to be hitting it from all sides, but for now are at least having a little fun with John McCain.

The Liberty Papers have a few predictions.  I predict we’re about to lose some money or some freedom, and more than likely some of both.

Knoxviews has a roundup of local races, and  Brendan Loy wonders if the circus situation in Knox County may help Obama’s cause in Tennessee.

And finally, in an oldy but goody, Fail Blog keeps everything in perspective.

More to come later.

CNN Debates at Reagan Library

This was basically a sham.  We got, literally, 10 minutes of McCain and Romney arguing over semantics.  Whether or not Romney used the word “timetable” as a reference to troop withdrawel or a reference to milestones.  Is that really what the debate is about?

I could have sworn I was watching two high school girls bickering over the fact that one told a boy that the other liked him…”Yeah, but I didn’t mean that I like him like him.”

I wish Reagan could have been there to smack those bitches back to reality.  I’ve come to the conclusion that Ron Paul just isn’t the right man to do it.  His message is great, but unfortunately he just doesn’t have “it”, and his delivery is weak.  I’d love to see Ron Paul’s ideas delivered by a guy with Obama’s oratory skills.

By the way, does anyone else find it ironic that McCain says he wants to change Washington, but his response to every question he doesn’t know how to answer is to name 30 “old and dear friends” whose names I remember as Washington politicians from my childhood?  It seems like he tries to fill up his 90 second responses by naming these dinosaurs as slowly as possible.

Huckabee?  That guy is qualified for little more than hosting amateur night at a “clean jokes only” comedy club in Little Rock.  Two drink minimum…your choice of milk or juice.  And don’t forget to tip your waitresses–they’re illegal workers, and the only payment they’re getting from us is free college for their kids.

Seriously, are these ass clowns the best we can muster up to represent us?

“Is the best of the free life behind us now, and are the good time really over for good?” –Merle Haggard

A Bold Prediction

If Hillary doesn’t win in New Hampshire, you’ll see her crying on TV at least 4 times between January 9th and February 5th. What do I base that statement on? Mostly this:

Another woman in the group, Alison Hamilton of Portsmouth, New Hampshire said she, like most of the people in the group, had been considering Obama.

But after seeing Clinton become emotional, she said she was going to vote for Clinton.

“That was the clincher,” Hamilton said.

I’m sure they’ll poll it first to see if crying will actually work for her, and they’ll probably (correctly) determine that it will turn some people off. But then again, they aren’t exactly appealing to people’s rational side to begin with, so why not jump off the cliff and appeal to their emotions completely? By then it will be her only chance.

The real challenge for her will be turning on the waterworks on demand. Her best bet would be recalling someone something Bill did.

***UPDATE***

Here’s the video

[youtube MVlwH7-05Fk]