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Now THIS is Funny

SVD at KTownLowDown has a hilarious list of insurance policies we could all use. I think he is actually outlining the talking points for the 2012 Democratic Presidential Campaign.

Ugly Insurance. There’s nothing worse than standing in the Food Insurance Card Issue line and having to look at a bunch of ugly people. If we have abortion on demand, we should have Botox on demand…they may already have this in CA

Life Insurance. This is not typical life insurance, where if you die your benefactors get some money, no this is ‘I Screwed-Up My Life and I Need the Government to Bail Me Out Insurance.’ By far it has the longest title, but is the most self explanatory.

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Constitution Day — Creating Solid C Students Nationwide

The KNS says that a study reports

51 percent of high school students questioned had not heard of the day when they are required by law to learn about the Constitution.

The occasion, created by Congress in 2004, usually is observed on or around Sept. 17, the day the document was adopted in 1787.

There’s some irony for you. Congress makes a federal law regarding public education (which by the way is covered nowhere in the Constitution) that students must learn about the Constitution. Doing what it does best, our public education system then strikes right at the meaty part of the bell curve and makes sure that a healthy 49% of students actually receive the education as mandated.

Sounds about right.

Personally, my favorite part of the Constitution is “Congress shall make no law”. Ever wonder if we’d be better off if they’d just stopped there?

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Vanessa Hudgens, Nude Photos, and Total Jackasses

What are these people thinking? And I’m not necessarily talking only about the minor celebrities or local news people who have sex tapes or nude photos out there floating around. It shouldn’t be too much of a leap to think that we will only hear about a very small percentage of the ones that exist. Let’s face it, with digital cameras and digital video cameras easily accessible to everyone these days, it only follows that there are a countless compromising photos and videos in existence. Some of them are bound to be of celebrities people someone somewhere may have heard of.

And really, who cares?

Before Paris Hilton made this the “in thing”, I knew a guy (friend of a friend) who had some topless photos of a (super hot) high profile girl. He threatened to release them in the media, and it eventually let to her becoming much lower profile. To this day I don’t understand why he did it. Obviously, it was an attempt to embarrass her and get back in her in some way, but it made him look sort of pathetic in my eyes. I think if he’d thought it through he may have realized that would be the outcome–maybe not.

The funny thing is, I don’t think any less of her for her having the photos taken other than her poor judgment in who she let photograph her. He’s the one that came out looking like the lesser person, at least in my eyes.

I pretty much feel the same way about the Vanessa Hudgens photos. Of course, I was forced to look at them in order to properly research this post. If you haven’t seen them yet, I wouldn’t bother. They are not that big of a deal.

But the guy who released these is a complete jackass. I don’t know how much he got paid, but I doubt it was enough to buy back his word, which I’m sure he gave her that he would never let anyone else see them.

Then there is the other price he has to pay–I wish him luck in finding another girl who will let him take dirty pictures of her.

Nice move, moron.

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The Fox Infotainment Channel and Why Don’t We Bomb Korea?

I’m out of town for the next few days visiting the in-family, so I haven’t been online (as much), Fox News has been on all day. You’ll never believe this–I haven’t seen any news yet! Nothing on the Patriot Act ruling. The one piece of information that I would possibly consider news that they’ve shown so far is about President Bush’s meetings with the Koreans and his refusal to officially end the war with Korea until they’ve met his demands in regards to their nuclear program.

Does anyone else find it odd that we are killing people in at least one country with which we aren’t Constitutionally at war while we aren’t killing anyone in a country with which we are at war? Not that I think we should be killing people anywhere, I’m just saying…

***UPDATE***
Lesson learned. Don’t write blog entries while sitting in front of the TV watching Fox “News” Channel. Make sure you know what you were talking about, or at least listening to someone who does. War was never declared in Korea either.

The irony that I took a shot at Fox for not being news while in the same post using them as my source for mis-information is pretty funny though, no?

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Warning: This May Offend You

But if it does it is only because you don’t get it. It’s actually pretty hilarious. It’s a Bloomberg article written by a bitter hedge fund manager (aren’t they all?). Well, not really. But it’s written from that point of view, with all the classic claims of being victimized adjusted appropriately.

I’ve grown out of touch with “poor culture.”

Hard to say when this happened; it might have been when I stopped flying commercial. Or maybe it was when I gave up the bleacher seats and got the suite.

LOL! And this…

Transporting entire neighborhoods of poor people to upper Manhattan and lower Connecticut might seem impractical. It’s not: Mexico does this sort of thing routinely. And in the long run it might be for the good of poor people. If the consequences were more serious, maybe they wouldn’t stay poor.

I’d recommend reading the whole thing.

Thanks to Reason for highlighting this.

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It’s That Time of Year Again

Local people will hate me for writing this, and most non-locals won’t get why it’s a big deal.

It is really sad funny, but I didn’t know that football season started today until about 30 minutes before the UT game. This is what is considered the real football season around here by the way, not the NFL. I’m risking my status as a Knoxville resident by admitting that I wasn’t really aware and don’t care that much about UT football.

Now for the fun part. The start of football season means that it’s time to start listening to sports talk radio again. See, I’m not really a football fan, but I’m a huge “Members of the Knoxville Chapter of Mensa talking about football on the radio” fan. It’s hard to believe the entertainment they provide is actually free.

I just checked the scores and saw that the Vols lost, so it should be good this week of radio. The chicken littles will be out en masse, not realizing that win or lose, they still have to go to work on Monday. I’ve never understood how people can get so emotionally invested in something over which they have no control. Maybe that’s it? The fact that they don’t have control is what makes them freak out over it? Dunno.

Anyway, here’s a quick stab in the dark of some things we may here this week:
“Phil Fulmer should be fired”
“I don’t understand why they ran _____ on that 2nd and 4 during the 3rd quarter”
“How many games does Phil have to win this year to keep his job?”
“Let’s just hope Cal wins out.”
“If Fulmer gets fired or resigns, who should we go after as a coach?”
“I just want to say GO VOLS! I’ll hang up and listen to your comments.”
“If the NFL comes after Phil, what are the chances of him leaving?”

See a common theme here? Tennessee fans do love them a good coach firing!!!

***UPDATE***
As sure as the sun rises. The first comment on the article in the KNS I linked to:
“it just goes to show that we pay top dollar to overrated coaches (phill fulmer mostly)”

I love this time of year! It’s better than Christmas and Arbor Day combined!!!

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Big Hole in the Universe

From Space.com…

The hole is nearly a billion light-years across. It is not a black hole, which is a small sphere of densely packed matter. Rather, this one is mostly devoid of stars, gas and other normal matter, and it’s also strangely empty of the mysterious “dark matter” that permeates the cosmos. Other space voids have been found before, but nothing on this scale.

1. What human behavior caused this?
2. How long has Bush been covering it up?
3. How much money have the oil companies made exploiting it?
4. What is Hillary’s (Obama’s, Romney’s, Rudy’s, etc) plan to save us from it while still keeping taxes low for hard working American families?

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You Can’t Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd

Steve Pavlina on choosing happiness…

You’re here to create the life you really want, not to endure a life you don’t want. Your power to make decisions and take action is all you need to get you out of a crappy situation. Exercise that power consciously.

A pretty simple concept. But look around. How many people do you see actually see practicing this or doing what is in their own power to put it into motion? How many people, yourself included, do you know who are truly happy?

There is a list of songs with funny titles that gets floated around through chain emails. I’ve received it several times over the years, and I always check to make sure a particular Roger Miller song is still on it. Unfortunately, of the many people have laughed at the title, very few are even aware of the next line, which is actually the point of the song:

You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd
But you can be happy if you’ve a mind to

Pretty ironic. Happiness is actually not that tough to achieve…”all you gotta do is put your mind to it”. Every now and then it may require a little extra effort that most people aren’t willing to put forward, like reading past the title of a song to find out what it is really about.

For most, it’s easier to just stay pissed.

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Flavor Flav Roast

Lisa Lampanelli has to be the funniest person I’ve seen in a very long time. I didn’t get to see the whole thing, but she was the only thing I really wanted to see anyway.

I did have one question though…where were Chuck D. and Terminator X? I’m assuming they were in attendance and I just didn’t see them. I sort of expected them to be up on the main stage.

I got to see Public Enemy play at the Bijou Theater (I think it was 1992). It’s funny, but looking back, PE actually represents everything that could possibly be right with rap. They were pretty controversial back then because of some of the things they said, but at least they were saying something.

Good luck finding that today. You’re lucky if you can find a guy (Mike Jones) who is talented enough to say his name over and over.

Flavor Flav said it best…”don’t believe the hype.”