A Good Christian Raisin’ and a Eighth Grade Education
What can be said about him that hasn’t already been said by Ice Cube?
When I was little I didn’t wanna be like Mike
I wanted to be like Ike, cause
Papa Was A Rolling Stone in the sixties
And he liked green like Bill Bixby
Told me that my best friend was a ten and a twenty
Pockets never skinny
–Down For Whatever
It’s quote Ice Cube Day!
MCB is linking up to Jared’s post on things you should know about living in Nashville. I’m not from Nashville proper, but from “out in the county”. I have a few that need to be added to help the newcomer get by. Nashville folks, please don’t take these personally…it’s all in good fun.
1. Never, under any circumstances, pronounce the word “Demonbreun” without using three m’s. The correct Nashville pronunciation is “Duh- muhm-bree-uhm”.
2. Don’t freak out and ask for an autograph when you see a someone famous. Nashville etiquette says that you ignore the celebrity.  There is a very good reason for this.  You need to be able to brag to your friends later that you saw a celebrity and didn’t care. Don’t make a big deal out of seeing someone famous. Make a big deal out of the fact that you didn’t make a big deal of it.
3. It’s not a “garden hose”. It’s a “hosepipe”–having the properties of both a hose and a pipe.
4. When you see a funeral procession, pull over. Don’t just slow down. Stop. Yes, this stands true for most of the South, but Nashville is a gateway city–the first stop for many transplants to the South.
5. The 24/7 Horn Honking Festival that takes place at the Capital every few years is not actually sanctioned by the Chamber of Commerce. That’s just a few concerned citizens who feel they shouldn’t have to pay a fee for the right to earn a living in our great state.
I hope these help. Once you’ve mastered Nashville, you can move on to a bigger challenge, like Knoxville. On second thought, just stay put–we like our peace and quiet around here. It makes it easier for us to here the whispers of our County Commissioners plotting and scheming in the shadows.
My latest poll allowed readers to choose Evel Knievel as the biggest jerk, and now I feel really bad about it. Evel Knievel died today at the age of 69. A sad day.
Over his career, Knievel was said to have broken practically every bone in his body — some multiple times. With his red-white-and-blue jumpsuits, shock of hair and stone-faced mein, he was a fixture on ABC’s program “Wide World of Sports” in the 1970s, his stunts perennial ratings-grabbers.
Needless to say, I’m removing him as one of the choices from the poll, and I have to hand it to the my readers on their foresight–not one person had chosen him and I’m currently tied for the lead. How fitting.
My absolute favorite toy as a little kid was the Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle. I’d wind it up as fast as it would go and send Evel flying up a ramp made out of an album cover and the phone book.
Thanks for entertaining us for all those years!
 Australian Santas can’t say “ho ho ho” anymore.
Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha” instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.
This is more than a free speech issue. It’s borderline thought police. It someone may think that the word “ho” means “whore”, it can’t be said. It reminds me of a few years ago when David Howard used the word “niggardly” and subsequently caused an uproar because some fool(s) didn’t know what it actually meant.
Luckily, we’re safe here in the USA. Christmas may only come once a year, but we celebrate ho’s year-round.
HO
HO
 HO
Via Michael Silence
Headline at www.offbeat-news.com:
Naked Angelina Jolie pics responsible for 80% of viruses
All other viruses have been credited to Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Tara Reid, and this guy:
GingerSnaps has a pretty interesting post over at MCB about the way famous people are treated in Nashville–basically just like everybody else. I grew up there, and I have to say it’s pretty true. Most people in Nashville just don’t care that much about seeing someone famous. It happens often enough that you become a little desensitized.
I think the only time I ever even acknowledged a famous person was the time I was waiting tables and Grandpa Jones came in. I’m a big Hee Haw fan, so I couldn’t resist saying, “Hey Grandpa, what’s for supper?!”
He didn’t get biscuits and gravy, just a Killian’s Red and some pizza.
As ridiculous as it is that this robbery case is considered newsworthy by anyone, let’s look on the bright side. At least we didn’t have to suffer though the original O.J. case being covered by the blogosphere. It’s bad enough that so many ridiculous news analysis shows were launched by this case.
Seriously, would anybody care about this guy if he weren’t being crammed down their throats by “news” channels with nothing better to report? I haven’t cared about him since the last Naked Gun movie.
What are these people thinking? And I’m not necessarily talking only about the minor celebrities or local news people who have sex tapes or nude photos out there floating around. It shouldn’t be too much of a leap to think that we will only hear about a very small percentage of the ones that exist. Let’s face it, with digital cameras and digital video cameras easily accessible to everyone these days, it only follows that there are a countless compromising photos and videos in existence. Some of them are bound to be of celebrities people someone somewhere may have heard of.
And really, who cares?
Before Paris Hilton made this the “in thing”, I knew a guy (friend of a friend) who had some topless photos of a (super hot) high profile girl. He threatened to release them in the media, and it eventually let to her becoming much lower profile. To this day I don’t understand why he did it. Obviously, it was an attempt to embarrass her and get back in her in some way, but it made him look sort of pathetic in my eyes. I think if he’d thought it through he may have realized that would be the outcome–maybe not.
The funny thing is, I don’t think any less of her for her having the photos taken other than her poor judgment in who she let photograph her. He’s the one that came out looking like the lesser person, at least in my eyes.
I pretty much feel the same way about the Vanessa Hudgens photos. Of course, I was forced to look at them in order to properly research this post. If you haven’t seen them yet, I wouldn’t bother. They are not that big of a deal.
But the guy who released these is a complete jackass. I don’t know how much he got paid, but I doubt it was enough to buy back his word, which I’m sure he gave her that he would never let anyone else see them.
Then there is the other price he has to pay–I wish him luck in finding another girl who will let him take dirty pictures of her.
Nice move, moron.
TMZ is reporting that these two will meet in a ring in Vegas to settle the score (and pocket $1M). Supposedly they will fight until one of them is knocked out.
Predictions:
1) Frequent smoke breaks
2) Most people in attendance won’t see the fight, they’ll be distracted by all the skanks lifting their shirts
3) It won’t be a win by knockout. Cardiac arrest is much more likely.
4) Brett Michaels will be in Vegas the next week fighting one of the “Rock of Love” reject girls, and he’ll lose.
If they insist on continuing to refuse service to attractive chicks I’ll have to adjust my travel strategies.
Not that I really care about their stupid policy–they should be free to turn away whatever business they wish. But I’ll definitely think twice about driving all the way to Nashville to jump on a Southwest flight. I’m safe with my ugly ass friends, but traveling with the missus is risky because of her high level of hottivity.
If Southwest sincerely wants to go after the hot not market, they need to find the right celebrity spokespeople. Maybe Bea Arthur or Rosie?
