Gimme Less

I just saw Britney’s performance on the VMAs. Normally I wouldn’t care, but you never know what this train will be leaving the tracks, so you have to pay attention if you want to see it wreck.

The name of the song is “Gimme More”. I think she wrote it about cheesecake.

Monday Morning Potpourri

Hurricane Dean…this is getting pretty scary for the folks in Mexico as it looks like it is picking up. I have a friend who really geeks out over hurricanes, and I’ve been encouraging him to start blogging on them. I know he reads this (sometimes), so I’m calling him out publicly now. START!

Overheard on the radio this morning…
“If Shakespeare, Socrates, and Galileo were alive today they’d all own adult bookstores.”

I also heard an oldie but a goodie…
“Is that possible–to time travel speed?”
–Britney Spears

[youtube WoQgTI_0h8s]

My jaw hurts, but that doesn’t make me ugly.

David Lee Roth Touring With Van Halen Again

It was announced yesterday that the tour will start this fall.

The lastest twist is that founding bassist Michael Anthony has been given the boot, and Van Halen’s teenage son, Wolfgang, has replaced him.

Hmmm. I doubt that statement is entirely true. My guess is that because Eddie Van Halen is such a jerk, Sammy Hagar wouldn’t tour with them again. Sammy and Michael Anthony are still good friends, and Mike probably sees that Ed is a jerk now too and doesn’t want to deal with him.

That leaves Ed and Alex in a bind. They hate David Lee Roth, but they can’t make any money with any singers other than DLR or Sammy. Since Sammy won’t have anything to do with them, they have to put up with DLR, and since Mike won’t have anything to do with them, they have to have Wolfgang play bass.

Dave? He doesn’t care. It’s a chance for him to get on stage and say, “Look at all the people here tonight!” a few more times. He’s probably chomping at the bit to get out on the road and annoy Ed nightly, and I don’t blame him. If I were him, I’d do the same thing just out of spite.

Of all the guys who’ve been in this band, Sammy and Mike are the only ones I’d ever want to hang out with. Dave would be fun to hang out with for a weekend bender, but he’d get on your nerves so bad after a couple of days that you’d have to get away…kind of like being in Vegas for more than a few days. He has, however, done a great job building that reputation and marketing himself.

I’d be surprised if this tour lasts more than a few dates. Look for it to be cancelled because of Eddie’s health.

Yet Another Dead Wrestler

This time it’s Brian Adams, who was known as Crush when he was part of the tag team Demolition. This is happening way too frequently. The powers that be in pro wrestling have a reputation of chewing guys up and spitting them out–not really caring about what happens to them afterwards, but sooner or later this is going to come back to haunt them.

This is just bad marketing.

It’s sad that they will only be able to see the business side of what all of these deaths mean, but if those are the terms that get them motivated to try and change things, so be it.

Flavor Flav Roast

Lisa Lampanelli has to be the funniest person I’ve seen in a very long time. I didn’t get to see the whole thing, but she was the only thing I really wanted to see anyway.

I did have one question though…where were Chuck D. and Terminator X? I’m assuming they were in attendance and I just didn’t see them. I sort of expected them to be up on the main stage.

I got to see Public Enemy play at the Bijou Theater (I think it was 1992). It’s funny, but looking back, PE actually represents everything that could possibly be right with rap. They were pretty controversial back then because of some of the things they said, but at least they were saying something.

Good luck finding that today. You’re lucky if you can find a guy (Mike Jones) who is talented enough to say his name over and over.

Flavor Flav said it best…”don’t believe the hype.”

Hey Bud, What’s Your Problem?


Fast Times at Ridgemont High
is a great movie:

Mr. Hand Chavez: Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?
Jeff Spicoli: Learning about Cuba, and having some food.

Has your economy been hijacked by a socialist dictatorship?

Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

No shirt, no shoes, no wonder.

Jeff Spicoli and Hugo Chavez

Cameron Diaz Apologizes for Maoist Bag

From Breitbart.com, Cameron Diaz’s publicist is apparently on top of the situation, and she has released an official apology for Baggygate.

I did not realize the potentially hurtful nature of the slogan printed on it.

I suspect she’ll be entering rehab once she returns to the U.S. This is exactly why these morons should just keep their mouths shut about politics, social issues, etc. Just read the freaking lines the way you are told. DANCE MONKEY!!! You’re not paid millions of dollars per film to try to explain something you didn’t pay attention to in high school.

My Audition as Lindsay Lohan’s Publicist

“The substance police allegedly found in my client’s car was not on the person of my client and was allegedly in the possession of one of the vehicle’s passengers.  My client was not aware that this person possessed alleged illegal substances.   Allegedly leaving the accident was an lapse in judgment, and my client wishes to apologize to her friends and family for any alleged embarrassment she may have caused them.  The important thing is that no one was seriously injured by her allegedly uncharacteristically poor decision.  My client and her family are exploring her options to receive the best possible medical care to help remedy her alleged condition, and we appreciate the public’s support during this trying time.”

Don Imus

Okay.  I’ve officially spent too much time on this.

Let’s get on to something important, like who’s getting custody of Anna Nicole’s baby.

NEXT!

The Most Disappointing Movies of the 80s

I was born in the early 70s, and like a lot of my contemporaries, I spent a lot of time during my middle school years at the mall/movies. One of the worst memories I have from my childhood is being all amped up to see a movie, only for it to be a complete waste of time and money. Looking back as an adult and admitted movie snob, it’s pretty obvious that most of these films never had a chance at being worth $4 to see. At the time, however, I was excited about all of them.

With a couple of exceptions, these aren’t the worst movies of the 80s, just the most disappointing.

Star Wars Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983)

Why I couldn’t wait to see it: Wasn’t everybody excited about this movie? I was too young to really understand the first Star Warsmovie, but I thought it was really “neat”, had the lunchbox, the action figures, and was Darth Vader for Halloween. With The Empire Strikes Back, I understood a lot more about what was happening and was sucked in by the story. I couldn’t wait to find out what was going to happen next.

Why I was disappointed:Just as I was starting to like the Star Wars series for the story, not just because things were getting blown up in space, someone got wise to the fact that they could make more money on merchandise than box office. Consequently, we got cuddly little teddy bears that kids would love–Ewoks. This wasn’t a bad movie at all, but it wasn’t as good as it could have and should have been. I can’t help but think that some of the story was traded in for merchandising efforts.

Desperately Seeking Susan (1985)

Why I couldn’t wait to see it:Unless you were living on another planet in 1985, you knew all about Madonna. Now, imagine you’re a 13 year old boy. You see my point.

Why I was disappointed:I was expecting to see basically an hour and a half of Madonna’s videos. Yeah, she looked hot in this movie, but this was our first clue that she can’t act. Remarkably, this didn’t stop her from starring in several movies later in her career. They were all pretty disappointing too.

Quicksilver (1986)

Why I Couldn’t Wait to See It: Badass BMX tricks–on TEN SPEEDS!!!

Why I was Disappointed:This one actually is one of the worst movies ever. Probably the only thing that keeps this from being the absolute worst I’ve ever seen is that my cousin and I were asked to leave before the end of the movie. From what I remember, we got bored watching Kevin Bacon working as a bicycle messenger and started throwing popcorn at people. Look, there were plenty of movies in the 80s that featured bad acting, no plot, and horrible writing. However, they delivered cool stuff like tons of skateboarding and breakdancing, so we were all okay with it. This movie had nothing.

The All Nighter (1987)

Why I Couldn’t Wait to See It:  Susanna Hoffs.  The previews for this movie made it look like it was going to be nothing but her and her hottie friends having a tickle fight that lasted into the wee hours of the morning and culminated in all of them going out the next day and looking for a redneck eighth grader (me) to hook up with.

Why I was Disappointed:  Maybe they should have hired the guys who edited and marketed the trailer to do the whole movie, because I bought it hook, line, and sinker.  All they did in this movie was talk!  Maybe if I’d known anything about girls at the time I would have paid enough attention to somehow gain some knowledge in picking up some chicks on my own.  Instead, I sat there and watched them talk about who knows what for the whole movie.  I honestly don’t remember anything about it except that there was no tickling.  Pam Grier was in it, but I didn’t know at the time how cool she is.

Light of Day (1987)

Why I Couldn’t Wait to See It:  Michael J. Fox and Joan Jett.  I love rock ‘n’ roll, and Teen Wolf and Back to the Future were cool too.  This seemed like it would be cool because Michael J. Fox actually was into playing guitar, and the idea of Joan Jett playing his sister and rocking out for an hour and a half was AWESOME.

Why I was Disappointed:  That’s not at all what this movie was about.  I was expecting something like what we see on Behind the Music…rock and roll craziness, drinking, drugs, boobs.  Instead it was about stuff like relationships, personal struggles, etc.  Instead of the cookie-cutter 80s rocker movie, this one had a real plot and was a unique story.  Sounds like something I’d really like now.  Now that I think about it, I should probably rent it and see if it’s really any good.