We Interrupt This Race For Some Negativity

There’s no way I’d ever run for public office.  Ok, maybe I would just out of spite, but I’d never do it with any illusions about my electibility.  I seems political success is somehow tied to likability, which disqualifies me.  But just in case I do run, here’s a little head start for my opponents in case the campaign goes negative.

And if I get my way, it will go negative.  

I’ve taken a page out of Stephen Littau’s book and written a negative campaign against myself based on past blog posts.

Sadcox…he seems like a nice enough guy, but have you looked at where he stands on the issues?

Sadcox has as considered raising his own children based on recommendations of an aged and addled Rock Star.  Sadcox is in favor of deregulation of PIMPS and has counseled and encouraged unwed single mothers to break up marriages.  His gambling problem runs so deep that he’s wagered furniture on the results of a basketball game.

And what about education?  Sadcox has called some school administrators “turds”, and has referred to children who participate in fund raisers as “beggars”.  He’s in favor of eliminating all federal funding for education, and has the audacity to mention Shakespeare and Tupac Shakur together.

Not only that…(dramatic pause)

Sadcox calls Social Security a ponzi scheme.

In these uncertain times, can you really afford a leader who is willing to trust you with your own money?  Do you feel comfortable risking your safety by voting for someone who has enough beezwax of his own to worry about yours?

Vote for someone who is willing to take responsibilty so that you don’t have to.  Vote for the other guy.

This was a very theraputic experience, and I recommend all of you give it a shot as well.

I’ll Bet A Leather Loveseat Memphis Won’t Win It

HT to SayUncle on this one.

It is officially gambling for a furniture store to run a promotion that relieves customers of their obligation to pay for furniture purchased at their store if Memphis wins the NCAA Championship.

First of all, I can’t see how this promotion is actually gambling since the furniture would have the same market value the customer paid whether Memphis wins or not.

However, I can also see how anything like this would be considered gambling/wagering, since the State has not found a way to monopolize these type promotions (yet).

Oh, and even if Memphis wins, feel free to come pick up the love seat any time.

Isn’t This Rich?

And by rich I mean the lobbies that are successful in getting governors to propose prison time and heavy fines for online gamblers and poker players in the same bill that makes the way for licensing for casinos.

Patrick’s casino legislation, which has been introduced at the State House but is not expected to get a hearing until next year, would license three casinos in three regions of the state. Casino developers would bid on the licenses, and Patrick expects they would attract 10-year licensing fees of $200 million to $300 million for each casino.

Oh, never mind. It’s the State that will get rich. My bad. Don’t you wish you could use the legal system to set up a monopoly for yourself and your buddies?

I don’t.

Thanks to Reason for pointing this one out.

This Week on The Dukes of Newport

Revenuers come to Hazzard, err, Newport to investige a mini-casino, cock fighting, and moonshine production that is all being orchestrated by Boss Hogg under the protection of the ultimate dirty cop–Roscoe P. Coaltrain.

Of course, Boss Hogg and Roscoe try to pin it all on Bo and Luke. Enos, a pawn in their game, is forced to arrest the Duke boys. Luckily, Uncle Jesse and Cooter are able to give Daisy a ride to the jail, where she is able to distract Enos. This gives Bo and Luke just enough time to get Flash to bring them the keys to the jail, climb into the General Lee, jump a creek where the bridge is out, beat up Boss’s cronies and turn them over to the revenuers and the state police from Capital City.

Of course, Boss Hogg denies all knowledge of the vice operations, and gives all of the money confiscated to the Cocke County orphanage. Then everyone gathers down at the Boar’s Nest, where Loretta Lynn sings one song in exchange for having a bogus speeding ticket ripped up.

Sometimes I scratch my head and wonder why everyone thinks we are all stupid rednecks.

***UPDATE***
They also shot some arrows with dynamite taped to them. The Duke boys aren’t allowed to have guns because of previous convictions for running shine, so they are forced to use dyanamite instead.