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If You Have A Loved One That’s Been Eaten By Pigs…

TCH sent this video of a clip on Knoxville hero John Bean. This is the original “Whoop Your Ass” Jerky Boy, and in my opinion the best. One of the things I love about these prank calls is that everyone he threatens responds to his threats with “Well come on down here then!”  Gotta love K’Town.

Best quote from the video–“He sold it to one of them A-Rabs…”

And favorite quote from the tapes–“They’s s’pose to be some damn good ‘uns”

Let me know if you haven’t heard these calls.  We can arrange a listening for you!

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WNBA=We’re Not Bad Asses

Bench clearing brawl? Uber-athletic cat fight? Meh.   The video doesn’t quite live up to they hype from this article in the News Sentinel. The only thing worthwhile in the video is the audio of the guy filming it making cat sounds.

Parker was one of three players ejected along with Detroit assistant coach Rick Mahorn after an ugly scuffle with 4.6 seconds left in Los Angeles’ 84-81 victory on Tuesday night.

I was hoping this would give me a reason to watch the WNBA. Nope.

Is is just me, or is everyone else over fighting in sports in general? With the abundance of MMA on TV now, I can watch guys who can actually fight go at it anytime I want. I’ve got 2 or 3 shows of real fights loaded up on the TIVO right now that I don’t even have time to watch.

I was at an international rugby match between Argentina and Ireland a few weeks ago and a fight broke out–BORING! To quote my friend BGE: “There are so many legal ways to do violence on somebody during a rugby game–why would you ever punch them?”

Note to professional athletes–I pay (or sneak in) to see you do what you do well, not something that you aren’t any better at than I am. If I want to watch someone ineffectively flail their arms in the general directions of someone else I can just set up the Flip Video and lace up some boxing gloves with my buddies.

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I Once Got Busy In A Burger King Bathroom

If these cost more than the girl, you should pass.
I always thought general idea was to take the condoms you bought in the gas station bathroom out of the bathroom before using them.  Apparently not so for a lot of people.  Ick.

But here’s this question.  Why do people have sex in public places?

Logistics can certainly play a part in the public-sex equation. But having sex in a car or on the slide at the local playground is a lot different from having sex in the women’s bathroom at Qwest Field during a Seahawks game, something a Thurston County deputy prosecutor was alleged to have done in 2006.

This article claims that the main reason is to stick it to the man (no pun intended), but I think people do it for reasons that don’t have anything to do with that at all.  For instance, I have a friend, let’s call him “Mike”, who had to have sex in a restroom at a bar.  He didn’t have any other choice.  If he’d tried to take the girl some place private his girlfriend would have definitely seen them leave together and caused a big scene.   Then there’s the case of another friend, let’s call him “Eric”,  who had to do it in the bathroom in the Atlanta airport.

“Had to” you ask?  Well, duh, yeah.  They met on the plane, and both had layovers in Atlanta en route to their separate destinations.  If you’ve checked in for a flight in Atlanta post-9/11 you know that security is a nightmare, so leaving the terminal just wasn’t an option.  And what about the people at my former job who would hook up in the broom closet or outside by the dumpster?  Do you really expect them to go anywhere else when they’re only given 30 minutes for lunch?  It just doesn’t make sense.

So I would contend that public sex happens out of necessity more often than not.  Life just moves too fast, and it’s getting tougher and tougher to line up schedules, much less make reservations at an hourly hotel.  Feel free to leave your own public sex experiences in the comments, just please don’t leave your real name if I know you.  Chances are it’s not an image I want stuck in my head.

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What The World Needs Now–Bubbles

That’s right.  Bubbles.  Do you have a better idea?  What better way to fix long term economic issues than by the use of short term economic solutions fixes schemes.  Sometimes I forget how much I love  The Onion

The most support thus far has gone toward the so-called paper bubble. In this appealing scenario, various privately issued pieces of paper, backed by government tax incentives but entirely worthless, would temporarily be given grossly inflated artificial values and sold to unsuspecting stockholders by greedy and unscrupulous entrepreneurs.

It’s funny.  Because it’s true.

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On Hearing Loss

I just read Newscoma’s post about her strep throat related hearing loss.  Hers is temporary, but it’s still weird.  I lost my hearing temporarily once.  She can describe what the experience is like better than I can, but my story is still worth telling.

It’s odd not being able to hear. The telephone is impossible. The television is muffled and I’m probably freaking out the neighbors. My nieces, bless their hearts, sound like chipmunks who have had a couple of Harvey Wallbangers.

My temporary partial hearing loss happened about 10 years ago.  I let it go for a while, but after a couple of weeks I started getting a little worried.  It was occuring in both ears, but one was much worse than the other.  I finally went to see the doctor physicians assistant (I’ve never met my doctor), and she checked my ears and decided it was probably due to the wax buildup–nothing a good cleansing with the big super soaker Dr’s tool couldn’t fix.  Unfortunately, not much came out with the cleansing, and my hearing wasn’t any better.  She looked in my ear again and saw that the blockage was still there, so she grabbed a tool with a little hook on the end and started digging around in there.

rugby mud“OH MY GOD!!!!”

That was the first thing I’d heard clearly in a couple of weeks.  I couldn’t believe the size of the rock that was stuck to the end of the hook tool when she showed it to me.  I instantly realized what had happened.  A month or two before I’d played a rugby match in a downpour on a field of mud.  I’d given myself a good scrubbing the next day some time after the match and made sure to get inside my ears.  That with the occasional q-tip being shoved in there had packed the mud and blocked my ear canal.

The weird thing about not having your full hearing for a while and getting it back instantly is that all of the ambient noises your brain usually blocks out all of a sudden sound really loud.  It’s kind of tough to separate what you want to hear from all of the other noises going on around you.  Driving was dangerous for a couple of days.

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Wu Tang Financial

A lot of people are worried about these unstable financial times. A few years ago Dave Chappelle tried to help America, but I’m not sure how many people listened. I don’t think you have to be down with the Wu to understand how funny this is, but references to the Ol’ Dirty Bastard help if you know a little something about him (or Dirt McGirt). We can only speculate as to why he wasn’t able to be at the conference.

Green. Get the money. Dollar dollar bill ya’ll.

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Something Has to Be Done

This along with countless other things that never seem to end here in good ol’ East Tennessee make it really hard to keep up with all the idiotic things local politicians do. I could do what I normally do (complain or nothing), but I’ve decided instead to do something fun with it.

I’m starting the Carnival of Local Political Gaffes. You can submit an article for the carnival here.

Probably the biggest factor that keeps local politicians from being more than just local are the idiotic messes they get themselves into. The Carnival of Local Political Gaffes aims to shed light on these small timers and give them the credit they deserve.

There’s enough going on locally to make this Carnival fairly extensive. I can’t wait to find out what is going on in the rest of the country. Submissions are due by 6 pm on Sundays. If you’re interested in hosting the Carnival, contact me.

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The Whistles Go Woo Woo!

This is an oldy but a goody, and every time I see it I laugh.  BubRub and L’il Sis have to be my two favorite characters of internet viral video.  I know what you’re thinking–what about Jesco?  Jesco was a pre-internet phenomenon, so BubRub and L’il Sis take the title.

Don’t worry though.  It’s just for decoration.  That’s it and that’s all.

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Some Suggested Reading

The KNS has an article today about the Young-Williams Animal Center.  The article is a nice, well written local story.  The comments, however, are tremendous.

Billie is amazing.  If the KNS could find space to give Billie his/her own column, or at least a blog, I would be eternally grateful.

If you like to laugh until you cry, it’s a must read.