Posted on

It’s That Time of Year Again

Local people will hate me for writing this, and most non-locals won’t get why it’s a big deal.

It is really sad funny, but I didn’t know that football season started today until about 30 minutes before the UT game. This is what is considered the real football season around here by the way, not the NFL. I’m risking my status as a Knoxville resident by admitting that I wasn’t really aware and don’t care that much about UT football.

Now for the fun part. The start of football season means that it’s time to start listening to sports talk radio again. See, I’m not really a football fan, but I’m a huge “Members of the Knoxville Chapter of Mensa talking about football on the radio” fan. It’s hard to believe the entertainment they provide is actually free.

I just checked the scores and saw that the Vols lost, so it should be good this week of radio. The chicken littles will be out en masse, not realizing that win or lose, they still have to go to work on Monday. I’ve never understood how people can get so emotionally invested in something over which they have no control. Maybe that’s it? The fact that they don’t have control is what makes them freak out over it? Dunno.

Anyway, here’s a quick stab in the dark of some things we may here this week:
“Phil Fulmer should be fired”
“I don’t understand why they ran _____ on that 2nd and 4 during the 3rd quarter”
“How many games does Phil have to win this year to keep his job?”
“Let’s just hope Cal wins out.”
“If Fulmer gets fired or resigns, who should we go after as a coach?”
“I just want to say GO VOLS! I’ll hang up and listen to your comments.”
“If the NFL comes after Phil, what are the chances of him leaving?”

See a common theme here? Tennessee fans do love them a good coach firing!!!

***UPDATE***
As sure as the sun rises. The first comment on the article in the KNS I linked to:
“it just goes to show that we pay top dollar to overrated coaches (phill fulmer mostly)”

I love this time of year! It’s better than Christmas and Arbor Day combined!!!

Posted on

David Lee Roth Touring With Van Halen Again

It was announced yesterday that the tour will start this fall.

The lastest twist is that founding bassist Michael Anthony has been given the boot, and Van Halen’s teenage son, Wolfgang, has replaced him.

Hmmm. I doubt that statement is entirely true. My guess is that because Eddie Van Halen is such a jerk, Sammy Hagar wouldn’t tour with them again. Sammy and Michael Anthony are still good friends, and Mike probably sees that Ed is a jerk now too and doesn’t want to deal with him.

That leaves Ed and Alex in a bind. They hate David Lee Roth, but they can’t make any money with any singers other than DLR or Sammy. Since Sammy won’t have anything to do with them, they have to put up with DLR, and since Mike won’t have anything to do with them, they have to have Wolfgang play bass.

Dave? He doesn’t care. It’s a chance for him to get on stage and say, “Look at all the people here tonight!” a few more times. He’s probably chomping at the bit to get out on the road and annoy Ed nightly, and I don’t blame him. If I were him, I’d do the same thing just out of spite.

Of all the guys who’ve been in this band, Sammy and Mike are the only ones I’d ever want to hang out with. Dave would be fun to hang out with for a weekend bender, but he’d get on your nerves so bad after a couple of days that you’d have to get away…kind of like being in Vegas for more than a few days. He has, however, done a great job building that reputation and marketing himself.

I’d be surprised if this tour lasts more than a few dates. Look for it to be cancelled because of Eddie’s health.

Posted on

Webkinz–Who Knew?

It seems like the frenzy may not have fully hit Knoxville/East Tennessee yet, but I think a full blown Webkinz craze may be coming. It may actually already exist here, but I was unaware of it. I am admittedly out of touch with what is “cool” with young kids, and I have been for quite a while. I know of, but am not completely knowledgeable about Thomas the Train and Dora the Explorer, but I had never even heard of Webkinz until this weekend.

My sister in law and her kids, 10 and 7 years old, are visiting from Florida, and they were super excited the other day after they got home from Dollywood. Not because of the rides they rode, but because of the huge selection of Webkinz that were available for purchase there.

I got a quick rundown from them about Webkinz, and it actually sounds like a pretty cool idea. It is a pretty simple concept, and is completely viral in terms of web use and marketing.

First, you buy a Webkinz plush toy. This toy comes with a code that you enter online where you then adopt and name a virtual version of this “pet”. You get to build a room for your virtual pet, then participate in all sorts of activities online that allow you to build up virtual cash to buy more cool things for your pet.

If you are like me and had not heard of Webkinz before, look out. It seems to be the latest thing, and I actually get why.

Posted on

Great-Grandmothers, Tact, and Spanking

I had a conversation with a really nice lady while waiting outside at the OB’s office yesterday. I would have never guessed her as a great-grandmother if she hadn’t told me she was there with her granddaughter who had a 10 month old baby.

We talked about a lot of things having to do with kids, and of course she gave me some parenting advice. She’d obviously had a lot of practice in giving advice without seeming like she was giving advice, and I even though I picked up on what she was doing, I appreciated the fact that she made an effort to disguise it.

The point is, I knew what she was driving at, and actually appreciated what she had to say.

Her main point was that we shouldn’t hesitate to spank when needed. Of course, she didn’t come right out and say this. She gave a couple of anecdotes about kids misbehaving in the store, at the doctor’s office (hint, hint to the other lady waiting with her 3 year old), and at church. She followed that up by saying that she was sure that my parents had spanked me when I needed it, and look at what a nice young man I’d turned out to be.

Well, at least she was half right. 😛

I’m down with spanking. No doubt about it.

Luckily for Becky, she doesn’t have to question herself on spanking. She has plenty of other people to question it for her.

Posted on

Latest from the Tour de Dope

For the second straight day the stage winner has been booted from the race, this time by his own team. Michael Rasmussen was sent home by Rabobank for violating team rules.

I know most people in the U.S. don’t care about the Tour now that Lance Armstrong has retired, but I can’t help it. I love to sit on the couch and watch these ‘roided out oxygen-doped-blood junkies pedal up the mountain as drunk Europeans run naked in front of them, basking in the glory of socialized health care and 35 hour work weeks.

This new twist puts American Levi Leipheimer only 2:49 seconds behind the new race leader, Alberto Contador. But time is not what matters the most here.

With four stages left, that means that four more leaders are likely to get hit with doping charges. If Leipheimer can position himself into 5th place at the end of tomorrow’s stage, he has a good chance of the winner of tomorrow’s stage being disqualified along with the three winners of the next three stages, and he will sneak away with a Tour victory.

Then we can get another year of European complaints about how the Tour is rigged for Americans to win.

Let’s just hope the rest of the world doesn’t catch up to us in our ability to beat drug tests by next July.

Posted on

You Won’t Believe This

Another great cyclist has been disqualified from this year’s Tour de France for blood doping. Alexandre Vinokourov tested positive for doping after he won Saturday’s time trial. If you haven’t been keeping up with the Tour, he looked like an amateur during Sunday’s stage, only to come back and tear the field to shreds on Monday’s mountain stage.

I don’t mean to be cynical–okay, I guess I do mean to be cynical–but almost all of these guys cheat. You have to be nuts to think they don’t. I really shouldn’t be news to anyone when they get caught, it just means they failed to outsmart the latest tests.

In other breaking news you may find shocking…

Professional wrestlers use steroids.
Barry Bonds too.
The gov’ment wastes a lot of your tax dollars.
There isn’t a pill that can make you safely lose weight.
Breathing smoke on purpose is bad for you.
Bill Gates doesn’t send out checks to people for forwarding emails.
That guy in Africa who emailed you about the unclaimed money…he’s a scam artist.

Posted on

Smoking Era Ends in Neyland Stadium

The KNS reports that smoking will no longer be allowed inside the gates of Neyland Stadium. For a long while, it has been allowed in the concourse only.

This is the most limiting, err progressive, step forward for the University of Tennessee since it became a dry campus back in 19whenever. Based on the success of limiting alcohol on campus and inside the stadium, I’m sure this new ban on smoking will be a success as well.

Is this just a ploy by the athletic department to raise the value of the luxury boxes? As a result of the ban, those who watch the game from luxury boxes will now be forced to tote their Marlboros and Macanudos into the stadium on Friday afternoons along with their SoCo and cold beer.

Posted on

Overheard at the Hospital

I just returned to the hospital from running a couple of errands, and I came in through the cafeteria entrance, which has a nice outdoor dining area. There was a group of people unpacking their cooler (white bread, baloney, mayonnaise, and Lay’s potato chips) and I overhead the following statement:

“He’s got four warrants out, owes $14,000 in back child support, and he ain’t even lookin’ for a job.”

That’s funny.

Have you ever noticed that most of the people at the hospital look really unhealthy? I don’t mean the people that are in the hospital, I mean the people visiting. There are tons of overweight people (haha), and most of them are standing outside smoking. I’m not talking about heavy people–I could lose a few pounds myself. I’m talking about really obese people puffing away. It makes you wonder if the people they are there to visit are there mostly because they share a similar lifestyle.


Worse than the friends and family doing this outside are the nurses.

Is this what our money would go to support with nationalized health care? It’s no more fair for them to chip in and pay for my knee surgery because I chose to play a collision sport with a bunch of 20 year old kids than it is for me to chip in to pay for their health problems due to their lifestyle.

Posted on

This Week on The Dukes of Newport

Revenuers come to Hazzard, err, Newport to investige a mini-casino, cock fighting, and moonshine production that is all being orchestrated by Boss Hogg under the protection of the ultimate dirty cop–Roscoe P. Coaltrain.

Of course, Boss Hogg and Roscoe try to pin it all on Bo and Luke. Enos, a pawn in their game, is forced to arrest the Duke boys. Luckily, Uncle Jesse and Cooter are able to give Daisy a ride to the jail, where she is able to distract Enos. This gives Bo and Luke just enough time to get Flash to bring them the keys to the jail, climb into the General Lee, jump a creek where the bridge is out, beat up Boss’s cronies and turn them over to the revenuers and the state police from Capital City.

Of course, Boss Hogg denies all knowledge of the vice operations, and gives all of the money confiscated to the Cocke County orphanage. Then everyone gathers down at the Boar’s Nest, where Loretta Lynn sings one song in exchange for having a bogus speeding ticket ripped up.

Sometimes I scratch my head and wonder why everyone thinks we are all stupid rednecks.

***UPDATE***
They also shot some arrows with dynamite taped to them. The Duke boys aren’t allowed to have guns because of previous convictions for running shine, so they are forced to use dyanamite instead.

Posted on

Lobster for Lunch in Knox County

KNS has the story about our mayor’s executive administrative assistant, a commissioner, and an unknown third party feasting on $37.98 each lobster tails, then grabbing a couple more to go, for pre-tip bill of $198.56, Luckily for the taxpayers (I guess), they basically stiffed the waiter, only tipping him $29 (14.6%).

Frugality and class! So the total bill was $227.56–FOR LUNCH.

Good thing we had a 100% increase in our wheel tax a couple of years ago (hope you are enjoying the new library).

“Clearly, while we consider business meals legitimate expenses, we certainly feel that expense was excessive,” Norwood said.

See, that’s the problem. County government is not a business. Businesses sell products and services to customers on the free market. In business, customers have a choice to buy from someone else or not to buy at all. The business then has a choice on how it spends this money and is accountable to shareholders.

“While we can’t tell our guests what to order,” Norwood said, “we discourage people from ordering unusually expensive meals.”

Obviously.