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Teleprompter Por Favor

Prediction:  As this Presidential campaign continues, Barack Obama is going to continue to get himself in trouble by being asked simple questions and making impromptu statements. In Georgia on Tuesday he gave us all some great advice on raising kids:

Instead of worrying about whether immigrants can learn English — they’ll learn English — you need to make sure your child can speak Spanish.

Really?  Is that what we should be doing? Is that what you’re doing Mr. Obama? Do your kids speak Spanish? (Disclaimer:  Our kid is learning Spanish from her mom, but not because Barack Obama or any other asshat running for public office thinks it’s what we should do. It’s mostly so she and her mom can tell secrets and make jokes about me behind my back–at least that’s what the voices tell me.)

Seriously, what the hell does this have to do with running for President? Is this part of your platform–a mandate that everyone should teach their kids Spanish? Is this really part of your stance on immigration? Does it really consists of a component that tells parents which and how many languages their kids should speak?

Some advice–stop improvising and get back to your bread and butter–saying “change” every other word without any details about what this change will entail.  When you start going off on random tangents about trivial things like policy you just confuse everyone.

Anyway…

It’s not fashionable to say so in the circles that Obama travels in, but the power and universality of the English language confirm and strengthen America’s way of life.

Exactly. And Obama is actually right about one thing–immigrants to the U.S. should learn English. But not because of some moronic legislation, and not because some politician suggested it. They should learn English because doing so gives them an economic advantage.

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A Wrinkle in Time

Quantum physics, string theory, stuff like lasers and ball bearings–these are just a few things that I like to pretend I understand. Usually I just invoke the names of Stephen Hawking or Dr. Emmett Brown. If my audience is really smart I’ll make a reference to “e”, the loneliest of all the irrational numbers. I had to read a lot of books to pretend to know so much, only to find out from Rooster that I was wasting my time. If you really want to confuse someone, try this line.

Rooster Time Warp
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Fed Plans to Meddle…Again

Because further regulating lending is the best way to protect consumers from predatory lenders who are in danger of not being paid.  Who are they trying to protect again?  Sure some people may lose their homes, but they are still free to go rent.  Last time I checked there were still plenty of houses and apartments for rent, and there’s nothing in the Constitution that guarantees us home ownership.

The real losers in this situation should be the institutional lenders who were handing out money like it was popcorn.  The people running these companies are supposedly educated and able to assess risk.  Of course, there really isn’t a need to assess your own risk if you know the tax payers are going forced to assume it for you courtesy of your old college classmates and buddies in the gov’ment.

Washington is so afraid that Wall Street may have to suffer through a bump in the road that they are willing to sell us down the river to keep it from happening.

Hell, why not take over the FICO and every other credit rating system while you’re at it?  You could tie it to income tax returns, making sure that only people who filed taxes had the opportunity to even rent.  And why not handle payroll for every company in the country while you’re doing that so that you can make sure that everyone’s being paid fairly?

More regulation=more expense for the consumer.  Thanks gov’ment!  You’ve effectively made yet another thing more expensive.

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On Hearing Loss

I just read Newscoma’s post about her strep throat related hearing loss.  Hers is temporary, but it’s still weird.  I lost my hearing temporarily once.  She can describe what the experience is like better than I can, but my story is still worth telling.

It’s odd not being able to hear. The telephone is impossible. The television is muffled and I’m probably freaking out the neighbors. My nieces, bless their hearts, sound like chipmunks who have had a couple of Harvey Wallbangers.

My temporary partial hearing loss happened about 10 years ago.  I let it go for a while, but after a couple of weeks I started getting a little worried.  It was occuring in both ears, but one was much worse than the other.  I finally went to see the doctor physicians assistant (I’ve never met my doctor), and she checked my ears and decided it was probably due to the wax buildup–nothing a good cleansing with the big super soaker Dr’s tool couldn’t fix.  Unfortunately, not much came out with the cleansing, and my hearing wasn’t any better.  She looked in my ear again and saw that the blockage was still there, so she grabbed a tool with a little hook on the end and started digging around in there.

rugby mud“OH MY GOD!!!!”

That was the first thing I’d heard clearly in a couple of weeks.  I couldn’t believe the size of the rock that was stuck to the end of the hook tool when she showed it to me.  I instantly realized what had happened.  A month or two before I’d played a rugby match in a downpour on a field of mud.  I’d given myself a good scrubbing the next day some time after the match and made sure to get inside my ears.  That with the occasional q-tip being shoved in there had packed the mud and blocked my ear canal.

The weird thing about not having your full hearing for a while and getting it back instantly is that all of the ambient noises your brain usually blocks out all of a sudden sound really loud.  It’s kind of tough to separate what you want to hear from all of the other noises going on around you.  Driving was dangerous for a couple of days.

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Everybody Goes to Cracker Barrel

Cracker Barrel is one of our favorite places to people watch, mostly because you can see every stage of life there. Our trip today did not disappoint. Saturdays usually have the best variety of people because Sundays are dominated by the after church crowd, and weekdays are not as busy and are filled mostly with travelers. Today we saw…

  • Teenagers who look like they’d just gotten their driver’s license and were out with friends
  • Hungover college students who were looking to cure their ailments with some southern food
  • Dating and shacking-up couples who’d probably slept stayed in bed late this morning and were just getting up
  • Couples like us with young children
  • People with older kids–one table looked like they were taking their daughter and her sleepover friend out.
  • People who looked like they may have teenagers who were somewhere besides Cracker Barrel
  • People who looked like their hungover college kids were eating at a different Cracker Barrel
  • Older people who would rather let someone else cool their Saturday breakfast for them
  • Really old people who were being taken out to eat by their middle-aged kids.

As always, there were fat and skinny people, black people, white people, brown people, yellow people, bruised people (for real), ugly people, pretty people, but mostly hungry people.  I should bring my camera everywhere-especially Cracker Barrel.

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Sheeeeeeeee-it

Just when you thought we were stuck without any real choices this election year, I’ve come up with an option. I’m beginning a grass roots effort to convince Maryland State Senator Clay Davis to throw his hat into the ring. It will take a lot of convincing and imagination to make this dream a reality, but if we all band together by purchasing a bumper sticker we have a shot at getting Mr. Clay elected.

Hey, at least we know what we’ll get from him.

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Peace Sells

Here’s a little bit of classic Megadeth for you, and something to think about this election year. This is one of the best metal songs ever, IMO. If metal isn’t your thing, at least watch enough of the beginning to get the gist and then forward the video to 2:15 for the payoff.

Whattaya mean I don’t support your system?
I go to court when I have to.

Pure genius.